


Ifs and What-Ifs

by arisanite



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-24 23:57:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1621670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arisanite/pseuds/arisanite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You meet someone on the train and you have this internal conflict whether you'd say hello to them or not.</p><p>Wonder if they're thinking about the same thing...</p><p>Best read while listening to Keri Noble's, "Talk to Me".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ifs and What-Ifs

 

#  _Her_

_What are the chances?_

_What are the chances that I’d take this train from north… in hopes of meeting up with my sister in this unknown part of the world – my world…_

_That I’d get to ride this train with you?_

_Who knows I’d get this close?_

_In this specific ride, in this specific cart, amidst the number of people who ride it everyday – people coming from school, from work, from their homes, from their offices –_

_Who knows I’d bump into you?_

_No, you don’t know my name. I bet you won’t even remember it if I tell you._

_No, we haven’t met before… Yet I know you. I know you – what you do, what you can accomplish, and what you have done._

_And boy do I look up to you._

_I am motivated by you._

_I am inspired by you._

_When the whole world is watching your every step, even how obscure you think you are – someone will always fall in love with you._

_Or what I think of as love._

_Something close._

_No, you don’t know who I am._

_And we probably won’t meet again._

_But for once –_

_For once we are this close… I can smell your perfume, on your clothes, on that black cardigan you are wearing… and I think… I think it smells of peppermint. Peppermint that reminds me of home, the peppermint mum places in the hot chocolate she makes for me after a bad day… You smell of peppermint. You remind me of home._

_For once I get a better look into those beautiful blue eyes, and discern the color of your curls._

_Is it blonde? Is it honey-blonde? Is it even ginger?_

_I keep quiet as I hold on to my steel bar, subtly trying to get a better gander at you… without startling you or scaring you away._

_We all know how you are so private, how you don’t want to be disturbed when you’re on your own, and I don’t want to be one of those girls who would pop out of nowhere and hound you for a picture or an autograph…_

_Not like this._

_Not like this when I suddenly have this surge of power to live my life, continue trudging on, and enjoy the beautiful day even if it horribly cold and the sun is hiding away from us…_

_I don’t want to destroy this moment…_

_But what if?_

_What if I walked up to you?_

_Said hello?_

_Would you notice me?_

_Of course you notice everyone who walks up to you and tells you how good you are, how talented you are, how compassionate you are with the people you talk to, how emphatic you are with the people you relate your life to – how you manage to give everyone you talk to a piece of yourself, a piece of your earth, a piece of your sunshine…_

_But no, the moment you turn your eyes away… you’ll leave me craving for more…_

_Craving for more than a conversation…_

_More than a gentle touch…_

_More than a sincere, heartfelt embrace…_

_More than this…_

_Can I live with it? Can I live with this pain that I got too close, close enough to share the same space with you, close enough to probably tell you how you make me feel delirious with your presence, close enough to tell you how I wish for you to be mine?_

_I’d probably come off as crazy…_

_I’d probably come off as one of the fanatics…_

_I’d probably scare you away…_

_Would I risk that?_

_After all, how could I compete with someone who is perfect enough for you… a woman who matches your intellectual tastes, your brilliance, your with, your sophistication… your physical beauty… Something I believe I have none of…_

_Or lacking of…_

_After all, I am just a mere plain girl, standing her across you, eyeing you like a lovesick puppy… and dear God, you probably have noticed that by now and would probably be laughing at me at the back of your brain…_

_Maybe I’ll just take my eyes away from you, pocket my hands, and subtly look away… Hoping you wouldn’t notice it… Though who knows what I would give just for those blue eyes to look in my direction, to give me a sign, anything, anything that could possibly give me a little push on what I am planning to do…_

_But no –_

_No, I guess I’m just not brave enough._

_And the so many what if’s in my brain –_

_How I may mess it up –_

_How I may stutter –_

_How I’d make a fool of myself in front of you –_

_In front of all these people –_

_In this packed train –_

_No._

_Maybe no._

_Not this time._

_There might not be another next time._

_But I saw you – and that’s enough._

_Here comes my stop, it’s time for me to get off. At least one more glance, one more subtle glance in your direction, just to see those eyes looking at me, just to gander at a small smile at the edge of your lips, anything – anything to acknowledge my presence –_

_No?_

_Yeah, probably no._

_You still look perfect anyway._

_And yet I get off my stop thinking of the what-ifs that keep hounding my brain…_

_But the train has already left._

#  _Him_

_She’s got those beautiful eyes._

_And to think of it, she’s actually my type._

_And she’s just standing there – in front of me, holding on to that steel bar for her life._

_I can’t stop looking at that beautiful eyes that compliments that magical color of her hair – Oh dear Lord, I’m losing myself to my thoughts again._

_How can I even approach her?_

_She’d probably think I’m a creep._

_An old geezer._

_I admit it, I am getting older._

_And who cares about my celebrity status – I’m just like every random bloke here in London._

_And yet, here I am – hating myself, all cooped up in this old getup, trying to hide from the world… seemingly wanting to disappear…_

_After so many press junkets, so many public appearances, so many interviews and red carpets I have attended – I have this one day when I want to be silent and alone in the solace of my own hidden insecurities… when this…_

_This beautiful woman comes out of nowhere…_

_Walking around with that gait I can’t take my eyes of…_

_That face that seemed to shine with a radiance my own words cannot express…_

_And a curiosity that could definitely fire up the passion in me…_

_And here she is, standing in front of me – mocking me of what I’m capable of._

_And to think of it, I always thought of myself as confident._

_Always on track with the questions of the interviewers…_

_Always with a witty comeback –_

_Always so sharp –_

_Why can I be confident now?_

_Oh dear Lord, she’s looking away._

_I don’t get it – why am I so drawn to this woman whom I just bumped in on the train? She hasn’t even spoken a word to me, she’s just there standing –_

_Oh if only she’d talk to me, then maybe my heart would stop pounding in my chest…_

_It’s those eyes._

_I swear it’s those eyes._

_It’s those deep eyes that could see right through you…_

_That seem to smile whenever she’d look in my direction –_

_I wonder if she sees me._

_I wonder if she sees me for who I really am and not how everyone else sees me._

_I wonder if she sees my flaws…_

_My little hidden scars…_

_My little imperfections…_

_And oh how she gently blinks her eyes and subtly looks in my direction – could it be that she likes what she sees? Have I finally found her? That one person who’d accept me despite seeing me up close? Could those gentle eyes be for me –_

_Oh, if I could only summon the courage to speak to her…_

_But it feels so inappropriate…_

_Here in this train, in this specific cart, in this space packed with people…_

_How can I approach her?_

_Who knows, she may not be alone –_

_Maybe some bloke who has a claim on her and might be her boyfriend for years may step out of nowhere and punch me in the face –_

_God, Tom. Stop daydreaming and overreacting in your brain._

_Just open your mouth –_

_Say hello…_

_And maybe those pretty little pouty lips would say hello back –_

**_Damn._ **

 

_She left the train._

_I should have made that move._

_I should have said a word._

_But I’m such a fucking coward! And at all times –_

_Oh, what if…_


End file.
